Family

In my family there is my dad and mom (Joel and Freida) of course. Then all the children (all biological). Here's the list with ages and a little about them.

Caleb Thomas - 21 yrs Strong personality, smart, he's the leader
Me- 19 yrs I don't even know
William Jonathan - 15 yrs Quiet, loves nature
Rebekah Rene ( nicknamed mommy) - 13 yrs Tender, timid, there's more than meets the eye
Sarah Ruth - 12 yrs Unpredictable, off-the-wall, nurse at heart
Martha Joy - 10 yrs Animal lover, curious,
Mary Kate - 8 yrs (DS) Strong-willed and determined but tender underneath, sneaky
Joseph Luke - 7 yrs Quiet and intelligent, nerd, witty and funny
Joshua George - 6 yrs (DS) Loving, animated, clown, full of hugs
Judah Duncan Jadon - 2 yrs Cute, still the baby, demands attention, Mama's boy

Now, I've heard that some people who might think that's a lot and a rather excessive amount of children, and I used to think it was pretty ridiculous myself. However, upon years of first-hand observation, I think that the pros of this large amount of family members far outweighs the cons. Here are some things that I think need to be understood. Mary Kate and Josh are Down Syndrome. Josh was born with a hole in his heart and had surgery at 6 months to fix it. He hasn't had any problems since then. They have speech apraxia, which is basically they learn to say words but their brains can't retain it. Wikipedia gave me a weird definition. But anyway, they could say things for awhile then they would forget. Sometimes they can say something, sometimes they can't. Also, they have poor oral skills so they can't form certain consonants. Also, Mary Kate has diabetes and requires insulin shots before every meal. So they take a lot of extra care. However, they are the most beautiful and cheerful people I know. They honestly can always brighten my day. They never tire of giving hugs to anyone and everyone.

Because of so many people in one house, there is always lots of noise which sometimes blossoms into chaos. Fights break out sometimes. Meals are always a big ordeal and require a long clean-up. There is never a dull moment, my family could sit and tell ridiculous stories for hours. People say we should write a book, I don't know who would find the time to actually do it. Trips to our hometown in Missouri are long, and sometimes awful. Our 15 passenger van (when carrying 12) gives little space for those of us who require a lot of it.

My family is my circle of friends, they make me happy and make me laugh. My dad has the best sense of humor, he's so funny. My mom is sweet and worries about us all the time, she can be funny too, and when she is, it's almost better than my dad (Papa) because you aren't expecting it.

Having a big family teaches us kids how to deal with people. You have to share, you have to work out problems yourself. Mama can't run to every single little conflict. It makes you more responsible (I know, none of my classmates believe it). Plus, whenever you get tired of playing with one kid, there's always another to go hang out with. Imagination was huge in our family, mostly me I guess, but you could rally all the siblings and pretend anything. Orphanage, army, run-away (personal favorite), pet shop, hospital, POWs...there was no limit.

Realms of Glory

All of us have some preconceived mental picture of Heaven. As a kid, I always had an idea of what I thought Heaven was, but then I'd read in Revelation and it sounded so different from what I'd day-dreamed about. To be honest, I would feel...disappointed. Is that awful? We read about the streets of gold, the six-winged creatures full of eyes, the gates of pearl and sometimes, it just doesn't sound that appealing. Jasper and sardine stone is not really what I am striving for. A city surrounded by gem walls and gates of pearl aren't exactly what paradise is to me. We know, of course, that being in God's presence is enough, but in my finite mind, I just wonder...

With the cherubim and seraphim all praising God, with the beasts all surrounding the throne, will I be able to approach the Savior I love? Will I wait a thousand years and one day to touch the scars on Christ's hand and look into His smiling eyes? Are we Christians going to float about in wispy white gowns and play harps?

Sometimes I hope that at some point in eternity, the forever that we can't comprehend, that I can dance on the clouds, singing praise to my best Friend. I hope I can climb a rainbow, then slide back down into the arms of Christ. I hope I can fly, so I can soar through the stars, still marveling at God's creation. I hope I can ride a storm cloud and watch the lightning from above for once. "That's impossible", you scoff. So is resurrection from the grave. In the words of Max Lucado "Impossible is God's favorite word." I hope there are flowers in Heaven, more beautiful than any on earth. I hope there are hills and woods that I can run through, no longer bound by time and physical weakness. I hope I can make beautiful music for my Yahweh. I hope my mansion has diamond prisms that will reflect the light of God's glory. I wonder if there will be colors that we don't know about yet, I wonder if we'll be able to breathe underwater.

I hope that I recognize friends and family. I have to believe that if God is so concerned with relationships while we are on earth then when we get to Heaven relationships is going to be the reoccurring theme. The Bible tells us that God will say to those faithful Christians "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." That's singular, not plural. He isn't going to gather all the saints in a huge assembly and say "Welcome home, good and faithful servants." But He is going to talk to ALL of us individually.

If God is creative and powerful enough to create each of us so very diversely, isn't it possible that he could create Heaven with enough different features for each of us? He had every one of us in mind as He prepared a home for us.

He is "able to do exceeding, abundantly above all that you could ask or think" so let your imagination run wild. You won't be disappointed.

The Cure

I’m afraid sometimes I forget or maybe get used to the pure JOY of living with Jesus in my heart. Not that I’m ungrateful or I’m losing salvation but I forget that I am nothing and that God is everything and he bridged the infinite gap between us. I was without a hope and He sent the ultimate Hope. I was lost and undone and He rescued me. I want to be enamored with Christ and walk with Him and REJOICE in Him. He is my reason for living.

I am a nanny for a millionaire family. Three spoiled kids who I care for with undying patience (note the sarcasm) and two parents who live on vodka and red wine. The parents go from party to party, from vacation to vacation, hoping to make themselves happy. So ‘successful’ yet so meaningless. They don’t want to raise their children so they hire me to do it. They say “I love you” and it means nothing. They plaster smiles and fake enthusiasm yet it’s all a façade. Sometimes I can see the hopelessness in her eyes silently pleading “Isn’t there something MORE?” Her face begs for something real. I see the emptiness and I witness firsthand how dry and pointless a life lived for self is.

I come to a stop at the stoplight, to my left is a man wearing an old gray sweatshirt, he is unshaven and holds a piece of cardboard that reads “WWII veteran. Homeless. Hungry.” Tears come to my eyes…not because I’m thoroughly convinced of the message written in Sharpie on his sign, but because of the message written on his face. “I am broken. My life has no meaning. I am hungry in my heart more than in my body. Enslaved. Hurting. Hopeless.”

I just want to scream “I HAVE THE ANSWER!!!! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR!!! I KNOW THE ONE WHO CAN FILL YOU WITH JOY!!!”

Yet, too many times my mouth stays closed and my face remains emotionless. I walk out of their home; I drive on in my car, willing the pain in my heart to ease. They have a fatal disease that ravages the body and the mind and I have the cure. I know the One who could heal them in an instant. I hold in myself the Hope of all ages. What a wretch am I, to suppress such a gift.

On Buddhism

Gautama Buddha spent most of his life trying to find the meaning of life. He sought truth. What he finally came up with was: that one should love everyone as a brother, that we should deny ourselves to help others and that the only way our trials and suffering could be relieved is to help others. Is that true? Pain in life comes from our selfish desires and if we will just help others our problems will be gone? While I agree that we should help other and love everyone, I have to ask, where does that love come from? Why should we love them? Who gives us the ability to do good? Buddha never taught about God. So if it isn't God helping us, then who? In ourselves we cannot truly love. Many people are "good" people. They are nice and get along with people, but deep down they don't have peace and their goodness is only superficial. Their love is merely the carnal love for people who treat them right. It's true that some problems in life come from our selfishness and we know that all pain and suffering is a result of the Fall but not all come directly from our selfishness. The hurricane that killed 200 people, even many loving, selfless people, was it caused by them? The child who will never walk because of a birth defect, did his self-centeredness do that? And yes, our constant focus on ourselves is a problem. However, can we in our own strength overcome it? By what power do we change something that was in us before birth? We need assistance from Someone higher, an all-powerful God who can shape us into something better. Without God, all reason for love and goodness would disappear. A happy and peaceful life cannot rely on our own futile efforts. I guess what I'm trying to say is "Virtue without God is nothing."

Cut my life into pieces...this is my last resort

In the teen culture today there has become an increasing amount of "cutters". Self-mutilation is not as unheard of as it used to be. There are close to 3 million cutters in America. The majority of them are girls; women tend to turn anger towards themselves whereas men direct anger at others. I absolutely loathe the attitude that a lot of people (Christians) have toward cutters or even just the gothic/emo lifestyle (for lack of a better word). I hear comments at various times that frustrate me to no end. People think it’s weird, creepy, scary, or stupid. They have this idea that those people are so strange and almost evil, they’re intimidated and freaked out by them. They want nothing to do with these types of people. They think that people cut themselves for attention, sometimes teens cut themselves so someone will notice and hopefully care, but many times cutters hide the scars so no one can see so that's not usually the core reason. I mean come on, it's self-inflicted pain. Cutting is a poor coping mechanism. People who cut have something that they don't know how to deal with. It usually starts as a ‘I’m hurting inside, I need (want) to express it’ mentality. Sometimes they do it as a means of punishing themselves. Cutters often say “I would rather feel pain on the outside than feel pain inside.” It’s the same concept as when you have a splinter in your pinkie and you pinch your index finger to take away from the pain from the splinter. It’s a distraction. It also many times comes from the need to feel alive. They feel numb inside, like they're sinking into oblivion so they cut and hurt themselves to feel something. Also, when you get an open wound your body secretes a healing endorphin that rushes to the wound but it also goes all through your bloodstream, making you feel a little better for a moment, it's almost a high. I’m not trying to normalize or legitimize it, I just want people to get past the craziness of it and reach out. It IS bizarre and weird, but rather than say “That’s creepy and irrational” and leave them in that category, we need to realize it’s sad and very serious, understand why, and then move on to lead them to the Healer.

The Nature of God

God is fathomless. Human minds can't comprehend Him. God can't be put in a neatly wrapped package of what He is thought to be. God wouldn't be God if He could be reduced to finite understanding. However, if God is ever to be even partially known, His eminent characteristics must first be considered.
God is forever, always has been and always will be. He is El-Olam, Everlasting God. He is Alpha and Omega. He is the I AM. God was not created and will never die. He transcends time and space and is not confined to days and hours. God is ubiquitous, everywhere, always and forever.
God is fearsome. He is omniscient and omnipotent. He is righteous and holy. His very name, Yahweh, gave meaning to the word 'holy'. God is just and abhors sin. He is pure and undefiled. He is to be feared and revered. He is sovereign and all-powerful. He is the Supreme Being and Divine Potentate. He is Jehovah-Elohim, the Lord God. God is perfection and He is fearsome.
God is forgetful. The God who knows all things forgets the sin of anyone who confesses. He is love, so His forgiveness is complete. He is Jehovah-M'Kaddesh, the God who sanctifies. The most loathsome sinner can repent and God will remember his wrongdoing no more, for it is covered by Christ's blood. He buries it in the sea of forgetfulness, never to be brought up again. God forgets.
God is faithful. When He forgets a person's sin, He remains with them forever. He will not leave them nor forsake them, ever. God is enamored by His children and wants to be near them. He watches over them and guides their every step. He is Jehovah-Shammah, God is present. God is faithful.
God is a Friend. Though He is the King of kings and Lord of lords, He has made Himself approachable and He is a Friend to anyone who will let Him. He is Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord will provide. He provides a confidant and companion. He loves to commune with His creation. He delights in His people as a father does his children. God is a friend and He is the best Friend anyone could have.

Love Letter

Dear Child,
I want you to know how just much I love you. In the beginning when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit of Eden and ruined the perfect relationship you and I could have had, I was grieved because I knew things would never be the same. However, my love for you goes deeper than sin; I wasn't willing to give you up.
I wanted to bear the burdens you bear, endure the trials you endure and face the temptations you face, so I came to earth as a small human baby. I was born in a cold, filthy stable, to a peasant couple. My first cradle was a feeding trough and animals welcomed me into the world I had created. My angels were sent to make my arrival known to low-class shepherds, so that you would know that I am no respecter of persons. Royalty and religious leaders were left unaware that Yahweh had stepped from glory into a world filled with vileness and utter despair.
As a young child Herod wanted to kill me, so my family moved to a foreign country. Though my power transcends all powers, I know tyranny, for I grew up under the Romans. I understand heartache; I cried at the tomb of my friend, Lazarus. However, because I am the resurrection and the life, I raised him from the dead. I know rejection because my own people rejected me as a young adult. I understand betrayal; when I needed human companionship the most, my friends abandoned me and turned against me. My love for you was so great that I allowed feeble men to beat me, spit on me, falsely accuse me and nail me to a cross. I know what it's like to be laughed at, ridiculed and mocked. I understand physical pain.
In fact, I even know the suffering and shame that sin brings, for on that cross, I bore all your sin for you, though I was blameless. I love you that much; I didn't want you to get what you really deserve. I know what it is like to feel isolated from God, as though your prayers merely ricochet off Heaven's gates. Before I died, I cried out to God "Why have you forsaken me?" That is anguish you will never feel, because I felt it for you and even in my last hour, you were on my mind.
When I died, the veil in the temple was ripped in two. From top to bottom, proving to the world that it was not man's doing. The Holy of Holies was open and accessible for everyone. I loved you so much I didn't want you to have to go to a priest; I want to talk to you personally. I didn't want you to have to make sacrifices and follow a certain ritual; I made it easy for you to come to me.
I knew that you would need my comfort, guidance and friendship. I had overcome death, vanquished sin and I arose again, the victor over hell itself. My time on earth then was finished. I had accomplished what I came to do and it was time to go home, but my Spirit is always here with you and that is how I speak to you.
When I created life, all the animals and plants, constellations and sunsets, I simply spoke them into existence. When I made you, however, I made you with my own hands, because you are special. I created you in my image, carefully instilling every intricate detail in your personality, body and mind. I didn't mess up, I didn't make any mistakes. I lovingly carved every feature of your face, and it turned out just how I meant it to. I love you so much that only my hands were allowed in your creation. Then I breathed breath into your lungs and placed you in your mother's womb. I put you in the family I wanted you in. You may not understand why, but child, please trust me because I love you.
The world in which you live is far from perfect. So I gave you a Book, with some principles for life, some promises that I will never break and the directions on how to find me. Life for you won't always be easy, but you can talk to me anytime about anything. I like hearing your voice and I want you to call upon me. I love you too much to sleep. I never take a break because you are too important to me and I want to watch over you. I love you when you make good decisions, I love you when you fail, sometimes you can feel My love for you and sometimes you can't, but My love for you is constant, eternal, perfect, unfailing and unconditional.
Because you are human, you were born a sinner, you make mistakes, and when you do I am disappointed. After making such a sacrifice for you, it hurts me when you reject my love, but that doesn't make me love you any less. I only long for you to turn to me, because only I can help you put those things behind you.
I sit now in Heaven, interceding for you at the throne of Almighty God. Please never forget any of this and always remember that nothing can separate you from my love. I'm eager for the day when you come to live with me forever, but please use your time on Earth wisely; I put you there for a reason.

With Unconditional Love,

The Father, Son and Holy Spirit