I’m afraid sometimes I forget or maybe get used to the pure JOY of living with Jesus in my heart. Not that I’m ungrateful or I’m losing salvation but I forget that I am nothing and that God is everything and he bridged the infinite gap between us. I was without a hope and He sent the ultimate Hope. I was lost and undone and He rescued me. I want to be enamored with Christ and walk with Him and REJOICE in Him. He is my reason for living.
I am a nanny for a millionaire family. Three spoiled kids who I care for with undying patience (note the sarcasm) and two parents who live on vodka and red wine. The parents go from party to party, from vacation to vacation, hoping to make themselves happy. So ‘successful’ yet so meaningless. They don’t want to raise their children so they hire me to do it. They say “I love you” and it means nothing. They plaster smiles and fake enthusiasm yet it’s all a façade. Sometimes I can see the hopelessness in her eyes silently pleading “Isn’t there something MORE?” Her face begs for something real. I see the emptiness and I witness firsthand how dry and pointless a life lived for self is.
I come to a stop at the stoplight, to my left is a man wearing an old gray sweatshirt, he is unshaven and holds a piece of cardboard that reads “WWII veteran. Homeless. Hungry.” Tears come to my eyes…not because I’m thoroughly convinced of the message written in Sharpie on his sign, but because of the message written on his face. “I am broken. My life has no meaning. I am hungry in my heart more than in my body. Enslaved. Hurting. Hopeless.”
I just want to scream “I HAVE THE ANSWER!!!! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR!!! I KNOW THE ONE WHO CAN FILL YOU WITH JOY!!!”
Yet, too many times my mouth stays closed and my face remains emotionless. I walk out of their home; I drive on in my car, willing the pain in my heart to ease. They have a fatal disease that ravages the body and the mind and I have the cure. I know the One who could heal them in an instant. I hold in myself the Hope of all ages. What a wretch am I, to suppress such a gift.
4 comments:
Wow. Yes, I totally agree. Somtimes, you feel like you need to witness or you should say or do something, and it's as if something holds you back or you can't find the "right" opportunity to say anyhting. God's love is amazing, and it's so easy for us Christians to just take all that for granted.
:( baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm crying.
So true Heidi, so true, its so alarming how selfish we are. There are so so so many hurting people, and we can't gather up enough courage to try and help them, even just speaking to them?
No wonder the Christian movement is dying. We don't show that amazing love that God has given to us. I must pray for courage and start acting like a lover of people, to ever truly be one.
You're an amazing writer, Heidi - very pointed and honest.
I loved this blog because it drew me in more than intellectually. It drew me emotionally. I feel for the family that you care for and for the homeless that you describe.
How often do we clam up when we know that a person is suffering inside? Why do we fear? I feel saddened with you that we Christians have such a horrible habit of keeping our mouths closed.
Thank you, Heidi - great blog!
Ditto to the post, as well as the comments: but also, from my parents' experience as chaplains and from personal experience as well, it is incredible how willing-and grateful--people are to have you say, "Can I pray with you?" It amazes me when they say, "Oh yes, PLEASE!"
You are so right: they are terribly hungry!
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